Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it's like iHOP with fire
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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