Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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