yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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