she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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