Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
