she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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