I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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