Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
