why didn't you poke me back
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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