Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
