jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
