nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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