Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it was like eating out sand paper
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
