the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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