If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
is it fun? or sober?
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