You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
