dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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