as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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