Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
