the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
