Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
