and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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