if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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