Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up under a house in Key West
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