i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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