Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
