Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
