Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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