How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
