what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
