i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
