Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
