was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
