you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it's great music for shaving your balls
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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