I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
