I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
