I think I am morally bankrupt
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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