Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
