i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
