How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
