I'm really into asian looking animals
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
