it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She bit a glass in half.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
