It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Couch. On fire.
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