What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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