Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
