life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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