Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
