i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Pooping to opera.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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