Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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