I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
