Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
