i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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